simply having, and wonderfull christmas time.

so its christmas, and my cousin died this morning.
and i know most people will say, well at least shes in a better place..
but no, shes not. no place would be better but at home on christmas with us.
my mom was really close to her, more so then i was.
i went to her house every summer, for family bbq's, and my mom went out for coffee with her alot.
i know i may not ahve known her very well, but i'm still gonna miss her.
and i know my aunt is devestated. and her son. everyone is.
no one knows how yet, know one even knows why.
they just found her, on christmas morning.. on the floor.. dead.


besides the loss of a family member, christmas is good.
i got a laptop, along with a camera, and cell phone.
and the usual christmas gifts, like candy and clothes.. slippers .


i hope you guys all have a wonderfull christmas, and i hope you get lots of love, and gifts from the heart. :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS !


simply strang,
becca sharkey.

you found me; when no one else was looking.

so here we are.. here we stand.
and thats pretty far if you think of where we've been before.
but theres no going back to the way it use to be.
you've shown me what life is like when everythings right.
i still wonder if i'm dreaming.
if this is really all happening to me.
even if it is a dream, i'd rather not wake up.
i'm so glad that you found me,
but i sometimes ask myself how you did it.
how did you know just where i would be ?
no one else was looking.. so why would you be ?
you look past everything.. you broke through all of my confusions.
we went through all the ups and the downs, and you still didnt leave.

to be honest, i was kind of hideing.
hideing from all the unwanted heartbreak.
but you still managed to come along, and save me from myself.
i know loving me isnt easy.
but i'm amazed by all your patience. i put you through alot,
but you stick through it all.

i just wanna let you know i admire your love.
and i love you for staying with me after everything.
i've never really said thanks, so i want to now.

thank you so much babe.

your a strong person for dealing with me. and i apreciate that.

iloveyou so much anthony, forever&always .

to be honest.
i do not know the first thing about showing how much i love someone.
but aparently i'm doing a good job of it ?

as we laid there, eye to eye.
i asked him if i've actually changed at all, from before.
by before.. i mean the first time we went out. for six months.
i tended to not show how much i really cared.
and by not doing so.. people started to think he loved me more thne i loved him.
witch could be still true.
but he'd have to love me with everyting possible..
because i love that kid more then anything.


but of corse he answered me by saying i have.
but i know i might not show how much i care,
as much as i'd like to. but i try hard, and do the best i can for him.
and when i do show it, and do a good job; the look he gives me makes my heart melt.


something else cought my attention while we were laying there.
as you probly already know, i'm a hudge beliver in fate.
and i realized that i shouldn't rezent connell[the heartbreak guy from my other post]
i truly belive that i had to meet him,
and i had to do what i did. to really relize how much i'm inlove with anthony.
it had to happen like it did... he had to be the way he was.
all because i had to realize.
and i give thanks to fate for doing so.



simply strange,
becca sharkey.

its what you did thats hurting you.

sadly, i've failed to write a new post lately.
witch isnt all that tragic, i hope.

i think its safe to say that i'm in a very comfortable stage in my life,
so far, everything is back to the way it use to be. no worries.
i'm crossing my fingers though.. cause it seems that everytime i become happy..
something pulls that happyness away.
theres no reaosn to be afraid of happyness... but i am. and that might sound crazzy.
but i truly belive that this time fate wants me to be happy, and i give thanks to that.
i'm afraid to be happy, mostly because i'm afraid of what the outcome will be if happyness decides to walk out the door.

i ride a rollarcoster. i've gone thorugh most of my life being mad at the world for letting my dad leave us. but that chapter got torn out of the book i call my life. then soon after that, i was fine. no more blaming my mom for not being good enough for my dad to wanna stay, and no more fights and suicidal thoughts. i became happy, and thats when me and my mom became friends. i was happy. i had boyfriends, whom didnt really make things better.. but the realatonships were nice while they lasted. i never really fell for any of them.. i just started dating them because they asked. but then came last year.. the year i fell in love. it was anthony. he changed everything. the first time i fell for anyone. and i fell deep, far from the depths of witch i could bring myself back. not only did he change me, but we changed eachother. i fell in love with the way he could just be himself.. no matter who was watching. i admired that. loving him is the only thing thats right, in all that i've done.

but i dont deserve him. hes far too amazing, and i honestly dont know why he'd love me. but as far as i know, he does. and i love him... and i cant help that. weather i deserve to love him or not.

leaving him was the worst decition, i have ever made, and hopfully will ever make. it was stupid. i was stupid. the hole idea was stupid. but i felt that i was bound by the laws of the same routeen. i thought i needed a change.. and when i seen him(we'll call him heartbreak), i thought i found my ride.. my ticket to the way out. but all that i managed to do was digg a hole that took what felt like an eternity to get out of. heartbreak truly had a terrible case of love-bipolar, i had no idea when he would snap.. he was a walking time bomb. i was in denile, but i still knew exactly what was going on. i just was scared to leave... and get back to the way my life was sapose to be; with anthony. by the end of it, i had no sympathy for myself. i only ahd myself to blame for the state of mind i was in.

even after all that.. after everything i did wrong. he still managed to love me. and it showed. thats where my new book started. in my mind.. the old book had been burned; never having the pleasure of being read again.



i wonder everyday where i'd be without anthony. but i dont dare to find out.

being in love with you.

being in love with you,
would probly have to be the most scariest, most crazzy,
most amazing thing to ever happen to me.

scary; because i've never felt that way about anything before.
crazzy; because its like a never ending rollorcoaster, but i like it.
and amazing; because of the feeling and emotion that comes with it.



the things i like about being in love with you;

i like the feeling i get when i'm around you,
unlike anything i've felt before.
how my heart beats faster whenever you touch me.
i like it when we lay silently side by side.
when you wisper "i love you" in my ear.
i like how i can stare in your eyes, and see everything i ever wanted.
i like it when you tickle me, and i try to fight back.
i like it when you kiss me gently on the tip of my nose.

theres a million things i like about being in love with you,
but theres also thing i don't.

i don't like it when you leave,
i feel like screaming at the top of my lungs for you to come back.
even though i know you will be.
when we fight, i feel like crying myself dry.
i wanna pull you close and never let go.
i dont like it when i worry about you.
when i dont get to see you as soon as i'd like to.

but for every dis-liking moment in our life togeather,
theres a beautiful, loving moment to follow.
but thats the beauty of our love,
it has its good sides and bad.

but the truth is,
i'd rather spend a million bad moments with you,
then spend one happy moment with anyone else.

iloveyou. <3

someday, you'll be sorry.

you called me today, out of the blue.. unexpected.
you've done that before but there was somthing different about this time.
you talked about how your recent realationship failed due to the lack of trust,
and how one of your family members died.
i actually felt sorry, but i bet thats what you wanted.
sympathy.
and sympathy, i have for you.
if you ever ask me if i miss you, i'd lie.
not intentionaly, but because some things are better left unsaid.
i do miss you.
even if your not looking for forgiveness, i forgive you.
when i see you, i still get that same old feeling.
but i have a new life now, without you.
and i'm doing just fine.
you may not feel sorry for me but oneday,
you'll look back on us, and ask yourself if it was all worth it.
you'll someday wonder why you left me broken.
i've heald some, but at times it still hurts.

it probly won't happen any time soon.
but someday, you'll be sorry.

family love.

i sit before the screen, gathering thoughts about my weekend.
my weekend with my family.. and yes, morgan too.

it was great, better then usual actually.

we picked up my brother from his christmas party;
nfront of my brother, stood a very large basket of fruit...
aparently he won it. when he jumped in the car, me and morgan began to eat the grapes :)
when we arrived at the house, me, my brother and morgan all went for a crazzy journey.
in the dark.. (we brought a flashlight and glowsticks :P) we walked back, then snuggeld in some blankets, and watched movies.


today was just another day..
we're still here, in baxters corner. awaiting our trip back home.
i'm not too eagger to leave though, not just yet.
i feel at home here. we're like one hudge family.
my step dad treats my friends as if there his own, aswell as me.
my step brother is amazing, i love him.
when i'm here, i'm surrounded by love. its a great feeling.

i must carry on, and leave you.. so i can finish my day here, and so you can aswell.

iloveyouall.

simply strange,
becca sharkey.

It was while i was sitting in math class, when i realized how easy a situation can be when you figure out what to do. i thought alot about how life is alot like a math eqwation; once you figure out the problem, it becomes easyer; just like life. once you figure out the way you'd like to live your life, it becomes easy. but not to easy; .....life is still hard .
As i spat out my flavor-disapering gum, i realized that that too was also alot like life. thats one of my pet peeves; never let lifes flavor vanish. in other words, don't let your life become somthing not worth living. i make the best of what i got, and try hard to not let my life turn dull. When life throughs things, most people try and doge them. but not me, i take them on; even if i know i might not pull through. life has a reason for throughing situations at us, because we have to learn. and learning... i shall do.


my teacher handed me my report-card, and as i opened the folder... i gawked in amazment. i passed every single class. i was shocked.. stunned... speachless. i couldn't think. i was just so proud, and it made me even prouder to know my mom would aprove; finally. and that she did.

sometime soon we'll be decorating the house with christmass junk :) .. well no. not junk.. ART. i just love christmass, my favorite holiday. and winter is also my favorite time of the year.

but i must leave the keyboard, and go on with my day. i wont be home till sunday probly, so i will do my next post then.


simply strange,
beccasharkey

nothing out of the ordinary happened today;
witch isn't all that surpriseing.
all that went on really was school,
shopping with mom, kayla & cody and michael.
and cooking my own supper for once.

anthony, my baby, was sick today.
so i brang him a coffee :),
a tripple tripple.
i personaly hate coffee..
but whatever floats his boat i guess.

when we reached the house after shopping,
micheal; my brother... tryed to suck his brain out of his head...
with some big ass straw-ish thing he bought at theee dolla store.

so..
i must travel to theee store with michael...

peace-easy lemmon qweezy.



simply strange,
becca sharkey.

fame; live your own life.

sadly, i haven't been posting alot lately.
someone shoot me !

no, i'm kidding. that would suck.

but anyways.
before i get to what i wanted to talk about ont his post,
i think i'll update you all on a few things.

me and anthony are doing really great,
and i'm just so .. i dont even thing happy would come close to how i feel abotu it.
but i just dont even know, i'm just over the moon about it.
i love him to death,
hes everything to me.

i'd love to do nothing more,
then to just lay there with him.
we wouldn't even have to say a word.
but i do think i'd have to kiss him every now and agian,
cause i'd probly go crazzy :P

but i should carry on to my actual idea for this post..
cause as much as i'd love to just write about my man all day,
i'd probly bore you all.

---------------------------------------------------------------------


so i stumbled across a youtube video today,
and even though it was one by the lovely mrs.crhis crocker,
and i know all of you must love him..
but everything he was saying was 120% ture.
no word of a lie.

and normally i wouldnt bother actually listening to what he would say,
but i'm starting to think that brain inside his head isn't intiraly non-functional.

but yes yes,
i must get to theee point.

fame.
we all know what it is, we've all seen it suck poeple in.
we all heard or witnessed what it can do to people.
weither its obsesstion.
or just simply enjoying someones fame.

do not live your life through your favorite celberty.

live your own life,
be who you wanna be.
not what the magazeens or teevee tells you to.
stop living your lives through your favorite famous person.
live your life as you, and who you are.
stop sitting around waiting for the next big thing.
do you think the great micheal jackson just sat around,
watching someone else dance ?
no, the mother fucker moon walked that shit up.

so dont sit and wait for the next pop song to come out,
write your own music.

dont wait around for the next hoolywood block buster.
direct your own movie.

its possible,
in fact its more then that.
do what you do best,
be yourself.

i bet cha anything,
your probly alot more interesting;
and talented then your beloved actrers and musicains.

do your thing,
dance your heart out.
sing till you cant breath,
and write or direct untill you drop to the ground.

i honestly think our generation is nothing less than amazing.
but sadly its getting quite boaring.
we need to do somthing, spice things up alittle.

invent new things,
sing new songs,
watch new videos.

our generation can really do somthing spectacular.

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simply strange,
becca sharkey. <3