i'll be right beside you.

do you remember ever meeting that one kid when you were younger?
the one who as soon as you started talking you just felt like you've known them your whole life...
well, that exactly what happened to me and him. well sure... of corse we had those little conversations before... but that one science class was just... like i was reunited with a long lost friend. we didnt even talk for that long and we already started to open up to eachother.

i really feel like i can tell him anything. he's "always going to be there"... and i know this is true. i love him... i really do. and i know what your thinking... what? doesnt she go on all the time about anthony. but hes different... hes my best friend.

it's pretty much a proven fact that friendship is the longest lasting type of "love" there is.

i guess thats why i've let down all my walls. because i just have this hope that our relationship will not end. and i dont think it will...

when your future arrives, will you blame your past ?

well... i haven't posted sence july. and its now november...
so basicly i haven't done this in about five months.


things that have happened sence then :
----------------------------------------------------

gotten closer to dylan.
made mine and anthonys relationship better.
turned 15.
started high school.
and finally started talking to my dad again .

--------------------------------------------------

Have you ever wondered how your furture will turn out... and if what your doing right now, is the right thing to do inorder to make it exactly the way you want it to be ?

i have. and honestly... i truly think i'm doing my best. i have everything i could possibly ask for; my friends, anthony and my family.... even including my dad... whos finally decided to become a part of my life. i think it's safe to say that it's a good thing. i finally got to see my brothers Alex and Justin, and my sister Kayla. i'm also letting my stop mom, Chrisy, be a part of my life aswell.

hopfully i live my life right... because what you did in the past.. and what you do in the present... will always reflect on your future.

speaking of the past...
heres a poem i wrote like a year ago.


YOUNG LOVE.
-----------------

young love.
the purest kind of all
you meet the one you want...
then soon begin to fall.

you feel so jowfull,

so happy that they're yours.

closing out the rest,

and locking all your doors.

you feel like all is gone,

the moment that they leave.

even if their words are lies,

you'll make yourself belive.

never letting go,

you wish for them to stay.

and all the love thats given,

never fades away.

simply strange,
becca sharkey.

pretty will shallow you forever ,

i'm no wheres near perfect .

i eat when i'm bored .
i give in too easaly .
i spend way too much time doing nothing .
i belive in anything .
i see the good in people.. and hardly ever notice the bad .

i've had my heart broken .
i've had my heart repaired .
i've stayed out past curfew .
i've read a whole novel .
i've stayed up all night .
i've cryed till i couldn't breath .

makeup makes me feel pretty .
emotions get the best of me .
food is my addiction, along with him and love .
affection is what i give the most .
attention is somthing i'll never need .
and friendship means the world to me .
saying no is somthing i can never do .


and i always tell myself.. my past will never change, and my future will never be known .

but thats me..

i gotta love myself, accept myself.. and learn from my mistakes.

the past can catch up with you.

wow..
i REALLY havent used this thing in a looong time.
i miss it lol.

well, its summer, and i'm kinda loving it .
i'm still with my anthony :) <3
and i started talking to an old friend of mine..
well two old friends of mine actually..
aric and dylan,
although dylan hasnt made an effort to talk to me in five days..
but owell..
its not bothering me that much,
i'll live :)

i still have my favorite people in my life,
my mom, morgan, kayla, shannon, kailee, and audrianna.

but my mom broke up with mike..
sadly.
but were doing just great.

anyways, it was nice doing this again..
it helps... it really does.


simply strange,
becca sharkey .

do the hellen keller, and talk with your hips .

so, its spring break.
and i've been having non-stop fun.
between going down to anthonys for two days in a row..
stayin there till about 11 o'clock and spendng loads of time with my famiy,
i dont think i've had this much fun sence..
actually.. i dont think i've ever had this much fun.

i can't wait for spring to come.
so i can get out of these boaring winter clothes..
and start wearing flip flops and jean skirts again .

i'm still figuring out how i wanna do my room for when i move .
i've been going through some colours ...
and i think i might just wanna colour each wall different.
and the ceiling.. and the frames.
cause i'm a very colourfull person, and i love all colours.


i must be off, i gotta start chillin like a villan with shannon and mike.

but i'll leave you with the song of the day ...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------


Black dress with the tights underneath,
I got the taste of the last cigarette on my teeth,
And shes an actress (actress),
But she ain't got no need.
Shes got money from her parents in a trust fund back east.
T-t-t-tongues always pressed to your cheeks,
While my tongue is on the inside of some other girls teeth,
T-tell your boyfriend.
if he says hes got beef....
That I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fucking scared of him.

She wants to touch me Woah,
She wants to love me Woah,
She'll never leave me Woah, woah, oh, oh,
Don't trust a ho,
Never trust a ho,
I won't trust a ho,
Cause a ho woon't trust me.


don't trust me - 3OH3

breaking down is easy .

i don't lie when i say i'm over you, i haven't for a while .
i see you differently now, almost like nothing happened in the first place.
like everything is just finally okay .

for once in my life i can say i'm glad we went our seprate ways .
you have her, and i have him.

your words use to haunt me
your touch use to break me
the pain use to never end .

untill i woke up and realized.. it wasnt you .
it never was.. and never will be your fault .
its no ones.. just my own .

i'll have to admite, i'm jelous because of her.
not by the fact that i'm no longer yours, but she is.
but by the fact she changed you..
and i tryed so hard to, but never managed .

it doesnt anger me, or make me sad.
just a little jelous.

but i undersand why ..

in some ways i can say you woke up too .


i remember when we just sat there.. and cryed.
i cryed so hard i began to forget why i was in the first place .
even though you were breathless and sobbing.. you still managed to comfort me.

that was the first time a boy held me, and said " shhhhh " while rubbing my back .

i remember alot of things, good and bad .
and honestly, i hope you never forget, cause i wont .

i do love him, and i'm sure you love her .

but i'll always remember.

even though it hurt, i think you helped me in more ways then you can emagine .


as much as i hated you,
as much as i wished you could feel my pain
and as much as i swore i never loved you
i think i just wanted that closure more then anything.

and i got it,

even though i have closure.. i still wish it could of been me who changed you .


but none of that matters.

i accept you now, and i'm letting you back in my life .

i see how you've changed, and i hope the new you stays for a while .

snow snow snow snow .
thats all that happens lately.
snows days upon snow days for us .

as much as i hate snow, and actually like school,
i'm kinda diggin it.
it gives me alone time, time to think about things.


my cat recently got fixed.
so the once evil phycoic little kitty,
is now a calm loving animal ?
dunno how it happened.. but it did .

anthony and i are great.

hmm... what else is new ?



OH!, i'm moving ! yes.. moving to baxsters corner.
well, hopfully i am. michael has to talk to veronica .
but i hope so, more then anything !
i really wanna live there, its so peacefull.
and the whole familys there. under one roof,
no more me and michael running back and forth to eachothers houses.

but i should head out,
lots of nothing to be doing .



simply strange,
becca sharkey.

the future belongs to those who survive the past .

it finally hit me, like a tun of bricks.
laying there with my make-up running,
and tears flowing from my eyes.

i told you how much i loved you,
you said how much seeing me like that hurt.
we told eachother how much he hated our mistakes.
and at that very moment, nothing else mattered.

after caring about the past for so long,
and after crying so hard about things i cant fix,
i finally figured it out.

what happened back then doesnt matter anymore,
making those mistakes doesnt matter,
walking away doesnt matter,
being with him doesnt matter, and never did.
and it doesnt matter how many times it comes up in a conversation,
we can never change anything,
the past is meant to stay in the past.


but you do matter to me,
being with you matters,
seeing you matters,
loving you matters, and always will.

no matter what happens,
and no matter what happened before.
i'm with you now.

i have you, you have me, and we have us.
and thats all that matters.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I was such a fool to hurt you,
cause you're the one I always turn to,
When I'm going out of my mind.
I just bite the hand that feeds me,
Instead of loving ones that need me.
But I want it more this time.
I was wrong. It's hard to say.
At least I learn from my mistakes.

dying to live again - Hedley

big girls dont cry .

i've failed to post at all lately ,
and i'm quite sorry for that .

so, its the new year.. and some things have changed..

i'm currently on birth control..
because i'm sure no one wnats to be pregnate at the age of fourteen .
and because my mom made me , :)

and the effect of it, is kinda making me insane.
i'm now more emotional then i ever was !
and i hate it, i cry over almost everything now.

over things i wouldnt dream about before .

but for the most part..
things are still the same.

me and anthony are better than ever.
and have spent our first valentines day togeather :)
he gave me beautiful flowers
and a cake..
along with a very cute card.

i got him a teddy bear :)
and some chocolates, from a fancy candy store in the mall .

it'll be a year next month.
witch i'm very happy about ,
i cant belive its only been a year though.

it feels like a life time of being inlove with him .



but enough about whats gonna happen, or what already has.
lets talk about today,

i've came across some lyrics from a song.

" you and i are meant to be, so even if the world falls down today, you've still got me to lift you up. "

i love the sound of that,
just the meaning gives me a feeling.

probly because i would infact still be there for him,
even if this world was to fall to peices.

i'd still do everything in my power to make him happy.
even if i had to be miserable, just to see that smile of his.

but i guess thats what happens when you let yourself fall in too deep.

you become obsessed with their wellbeing,
like they have to have a good day, just so yours isnt terrible.
when their tears fill you with sorrow .
and their pain causes you to ache .

but just as long as hes okay, i know i will be too .





simply strange,
becca sharkey .

living in the northend ;

have you ever seen that one kid,
who seems to stand out from the rest ?

or the kid from the bad side of town,
who seems to not live a life of crime ?

well im probly one of the many kids who can say they have.
mostly because i am that kid.

sure i've seen alot of bullshit in my life,
the reason being because i'm from the north end.

and sure, bad shit happens everywhere,
but i just so happen to live where most of it goes down.

i've heard about girls getting beat with pipes by grown men.
i've seen a drive by shoot up on a father,
and luckly missed.

my schools sadly stuck in the middle of the north end,
and us north enders unforturnately have to share it with the milladgevill preps.

but its not so bad,
i've lived here all my life.. and haven't been involved in any of it.
i've just sadly had to hear and wittnes most of it.


alot of people lay the stereotypes on us,
and say ALL noth enders live a life of crime.
but i'm living breathing proof that not everyone has to end up fallowing the crowd.


and the fact that people think we're all on walfair ?
well sorry to burst there bubles.. but they've just been officaly bursted,
cause my mother works, and recives a paycheck every second week.
and she not a crack whore, or a drug pusher.
not everyone who lives around me is.

of corse we have them.. there around everywhere; if you look hard enough.


remember, just because someone lives around the bad end of the city..
doesn't mean there in a gang, or carry a knife & gun around;
sell drugs, or live in a cardboard box on the corner.
some of us are smart, and live a life of happyness.
we're not all the same.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER : a post on love, luck & fate.

listen, this is whats up .
i havent posted in like, ages.. and i really dont have a reason. so dont ask me.
i was re-readibg my old posts today, and i noticed alsost all of them are about how i feel about anthony... witch i'm sure all of you dont wanan hear me go on about anymore. so.. i'll cut down on talking about my love life for a bit.

i bet most of you dont like hearing about love.. witch is perfectly fine. but i honestlytheres more to it then that. i think if a person hates hearing about other peoples love, they may just be scared of finding love for them. i'm sure if they found it, they'd be wanting to tel the whole wide world. i mean i know i do. i wish everyone could feel what i feel.

a lot of people think finding love should be easy, but dont you think if it was sapose to be easy.. it would be. cause finding love is FAR from easy. belive me.. i know i may have not bene on this earth for very long, but through the fourteen years that i have been.. i've spent at least three of them wasting my time with bad relationships. i guess i waslucky, some people dont find love untill way later in life. but not me... i simply just got lucky.

i wasnt always lucky though, like i said.. i went through some pretty abd realationships. and i'm sur everyone has. theres the " controling " ones, the " going way to fast " ones, the " constant fighting " ones, and my personal favorite, the " i love you so muhc, and i promise i'll never leave you, but leaves within the next week " ones. but really, all relationships have bumps, doesnt matter how much you fight or dont, or how much you love eachother, your still gonna ahveups and downs. no matter what.

but we all know how the classic love story goes, boy meets girl, boy fallls in love with girl and they live happily ever after. but not every love story falls in to place like that. tuns of people fall inlove in odd ways. look at it this way, me and anthony fell inlove while i was going out with my friend jamie, and plus we started out as close friends. friendship has a tendencey to grown into somthing more, it happens alot actually.

so dont think your never gonan find love, or waste your breath running after it. just sit back and let it happen. it comes in any shape or size, and it can sneak up on you.

just let fate take its corse.