breaking down is easy .

i don't lie when i say i'm over you, i haven't for a while .
i see you differently now, almost like nothing happened in the first place.
like everything is just finally okay .

for once in my life i can say i'm glad we went our seprate ways .
you have her, and i have him.

your words use to haunt me
your touch use to break me
the pain use to never end .

untill i woke up and realized.. it wasnt you .
it never was.. and never will be your fault .
its no ones.. just my own .

i'll have to admite, i'm jelous because of her.
not by the fact that i'm no longer yours, but she is.
but by the fact she changed you..
and i tryed so hard to, but never managed .

it doesnt anger me, or make me sad.
just a little jelous.

but i undersand why ..

in some ways i can say you woke up too .


i remember when we just sat there.. and cryed.
i cryed so hard i began to forget why i was in the first place .
even though you were breathless and sobbing.. you still managed to comfort me.

that was the first time a boy held me, and said " shhhhh " while rubbing my back .

i remember alot of things, good and bad .
and honestly, i hope you never forget, cause i wont .

i do love him, and i'm sure you love her .

but i'll always remember.

even though it hurt, i think you helped me in more ways then you can emagine .


as much as i hated you,
as much as i wished you could feel my pain
and as much as i swore i never loved you
i think i just wanted that closure more then anything.

and i got it,

even though i have closure.. i still wish it could of been me who changed you .


but none of that matters.

i accept you now, and i'm letting you back in my life .

i see how you've changed, and i hope the new you stays for a while .

snow snow snow snow .
thats all that happens lately.
snows days upon snow days for us .

as much as i hate snow, and actually like school,
i'm kinda diggin it.
it gives me alone time, time to think about things.


my cat recently got fixed.
so the once evil phycoic little kitty,
is now a calm loving animal ?
dunno how it happened.. but it did .

anthony and i are great.

hmm... what else is new ?



OH!, i'm moving ! yes.. moving to baxsters corner.
well, hopfully i am. michael has to talk to veronica .
but i hope so, more then anything !
i really wanna live there, its so peacefull.
and the whole familys there. under one roof,
no more me and michael running back and forth to eachothers houses.

but i should head out,
lots of nothing to be doing .



simply strange,
becca sharkey.

the future belongs to those who survive the past .

it finally hit me, like a tun of bricks.
laying there with my make-up running,
and tears flowing from my eyes.

i told you how much i loved you,
you said how much seeing me like that hurt.
we told eachother how much he hated our mistakes.
and at that very moment, nothing else mattered.

after caring about the past for so long,
and after crying so hard about things i cant fix,
i finally figured it out.

what happened back then doesnt matter anymore,
making those mistakes doesnt matter,
walking away doesnt matter,
being with him doesnt matter, and never did.
and it doesnt matter how many times it comes up in a conversation,
we can never change anything,
the past is meant to stay in the past.


but you do matter to me,
being with you matters,
seeing you matters,
loving you matters, and always will.

no matter what happens,
and no matter what happened before.
i'm with you now.

i have you, you have me, and we have us.
and thats all that matters.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I was such a fool to hurt you,
cause you're the one I always turn to,
When I'm going out of my mind.
I just bite the hand that feeds me,
Instead of loving ones that need me.
But I want it more this time.
I was wrong. It's hard to say.
At least I learn from my mistakes.

dying to live again - Hedley

big girls dont cry .

i've failed to post at all lately ,
and i'm quite sorry for that .

so, its the new year.. and some things have changed..

i'm currently on birth control..
because i'm sure no one wnats to be pregnate at the age of fourteen .
and because my mom made me , :)

and the effect of it, is kinda making me insane.
i'm now more emotional then i ever was !
and i hate it, i cry over almost everything now.

over things i wouldnt dream about before .

but for the most part..
things are still the same.

me and anthony are better than ever.
and have spent our first valentines day togeather :)
he gave me beautiful flowers
and a cake..
along with a very cute card.

i got him a teddy bear :)
and some chocolates, from a fancy candy store in the mall .

it'll be a year next month.
witch i'm very happy about ,
i cant belive its only been a year though.

it feels like a life time of being inlove with him .



but enough about whats gonna happen, or what already has.
lets talk about today,

i've came across some lyrics from a song.

" you and i are meant to be, so even if the world falls down today, you've still got me to lift you up. "

i love the sound of that,
just the meaning gives me a feeling.

probly because i would infact still be there for him,
even if this world was to fall to peices.

i'd still do everything in my power to make him happy.
even if i had to be miserable, just to see that smile of his.

but i guess thats what happens when you let yourself fall in too deep.

you become obsessed with their wellbeing,
like they have to have a good day, just so yours isnt terrible.
when their tears fill you with sorrow .
and their pain causes you to ache .

but just as long as hes okay, i know i will be too .





simply strange,
becca sharkey .